Queen Mab's Alarmingly Mandatory Bridal Shower
libretto by Scott Guy
music by Jacques Offenbach
additional music by Ken Neufeld,
Michele Esposito, and Max Bruch
Elise Dewsberry as Queen Mab
“I do love to be loved.”
THE ROYAL HAILING
In which Her Majesty, Queen Mab, Ruler of All the Fairies, welcomes the audience to her Bridal Shower, demanding murmurs of adoration from all the members of her fairy court.
In which Queen Mab chastises her Fairy Court for bringing presents.
““Didn’t I say on the invitations ‘no presents necessary’? Didn’t I?'”
“Giddy, giddy, giddy, giddy me today!”
HE SAID YES
In which Queen Mab celebrates her recent marriage proposal..
In which Queen Mab introduces the Gown of the Queen.
““You wouldn’t have me getting married in
white burlap, now would you?”“
“What a vision I shall make!”
I SHALL BE BEAUTIFUL
In which Queen Mab gussies up, and models her wedding gown…
“I’m perfect as I am, or nothing else explains this glamour!”
“I refuse a larger corset – if I need to, I can force it.”
“La la la la la ..Yes – I shall be beautiful!”
In which Queen Mab lists the fates of her previous fiancees. All 28 of them…
““And number Twenty with that freak lightning frizzled him dead on the spot, they told me.”
“I will marry the Duke if it’s the last thing he does!”
IPSE DIXIT, DAMA FORTUNA
In which Queen Mab warns Dame Fortune to stay away from Number Twenty Nine…
In which Queen Mab begins to open her presents.
““Presents! Oh, for me? You shouldn’t have.”
“Oh, dear. What’s this sad thing?”
“Could it be … a coat rack? A flagpole? Ha, a new carriage?!?”
“A husk of corn?”
“Number Sixteen. Knew he didn’t fall down a well!”
“I’ll toss away his nasty prezzie, as if it don’t ever of existed.”
“Get thee behind me, prezzie. Pfaugh!”
“This one, it’s from him himself.”
THE GIFT HE GAVE TO ME
In which Queen Mab discovers a gift from her own Betrothed, but decides to put aside the pleasure of opening it until later.
In which Queen Mab opens a series of inappropriate gifts from supposedly dead fiancees, and begins to sense a trend.
“A glob of uncooked dough. Well, dignity be damed!”
“Ki herricum, berricumimoss!”
CROSS THE QUEEN
In which Queen Mab casts a spell on her ungrateful ex-fiancees.
In which Queen Mab convinces herself that it is a good idea to open her current fiancee’s present, despite his faults.
“He’s not the ripest berry on the bush, you know? Not the firmest mushroom in the basket.”
“If he is so bewrought, well then it matters not if he’s stupid as a mustard pot.”
IF HE WILL SIT WITH ME
In which Queen Mab forgives her fiancee for having only one ear.
In which Queen Mab reads the letter from her fiancee.
“My dear beloved … I’ve run away.”
“O bride, my beautiful and blushing bride.”
FOLD THINE ARMS
In which Queen Mab bids farewell to her dream of being a bride…
In which Queen Mab forgives her exes for feeling unworthy to stand beside her, and discovers one last present..
“Why, you’d always feel inadequate … next to such beauty, such regal presence.”
“The Duchess of Chippings announces the birth of her son, the Duke of Chippings.”
“I do believe Queen Mab will be happy after all, give or take the better part of twenty years.”
“Yes – I shall be beautiful!”
I SHALL BE BEAUTIFUL REPRISE
In which Queen Mab contemplates a happy future.